Monday, December 17, 2007

A Lunch......Date?

17 December, Monday - Lunch with B. My wife was supposed to attend a meeting today along with B, one of her potential lovers. It was scheduled for 1pm. I would still be sleeping due to my work schedule. When I awoke at about 230pm , my wife was home. I asked her how her meeting had gone. She told me it had been canceled. She didn't immediately volunteer it, but told me she and B had gone to lunch instead. "B asked me if I wanted to have lunch with him" she said. She had my interest. I asked her how it went and what happened. It seemed innocent enough from what she told me.

She mentioned that he talked about his wife and how, according to my wife, their relationship did not seem like it was going too well and that he was possibly close to throwing in the towel. She told me that she mentioned to him something about me that, to me, while not outright derogatory, was non-flattering. I expressed my displeasure to her about this. As I expressed in a previous post, one of our concerns about her having lovers was the development of emotional attachments with them, leading to all kinds of potential problems. One of the ground rules we agreed to about her having lovers, was that she would not discuss our problems or other relationship issues we have with her lovers, since doing so creates special bonds that can undermine our relationship. As I said, what she shared with him wasn't really disparaging, but it wasn't something I cared to have her talking about. My wife seemed to understand what I was saying.

I asked my wife how she felt about being out alone with him. "Nervous" she said. "It seemed weird to be alone with him without my husband being there". "Were you excited by it?" I asked. She admitted that she did feel excited as well. She mentioned being concerned about how she looked [for him, presumably] and of course was concerned about having food in her teeth!

In conversation, she had mentioned to B that I was supportive of her going out with her friends and that I encouraged her to do so. I asked her if she took advantage of that line of conversation to let him know about me approving of her.... 'being out with other men' or something along those lines. She hadn't and mentioned the quick pace of the conversation as being part of the reason. I reminded her about being forward and taking advantage of opportunities to flirt boldly. As I've mentioned, I think the only thing standing between her and realizing either B or G as lovers, is their sense of decency and respect for the fact that we are married as well as friends and their lack of knowledge that I know and approve.

I probed, but he hadn't made any overt attempts at seducing, flirting or offering any 'opportunities' to my wife. I believe he is simply being cautious and moving slowly with my wife, gaging her responsiveness to him. He did offer to take our daughter with him to a local college sporting event with he and his daughter. He mentioned that he had one more adult ticket for the event to which my wife mentioned she could probably be available. We'll see if anything comes out of that.

I suggested to my wife that when she talks to him again, she should tell him 'I liked being out alone with you' and '...I'd like to do it again sometime with you'. She felt that it would be too bold for her to say to him. She suggested 'My husband wants to know where you're going to take me next time' I didn't really like it at the time, but now hours later, as I write this, it sounds OK to me.

I am contemplating giving B a call to see if I can stop by to talk to him briefly...and being fairly direct with him about my wife and him being together. The right time would be now, immediately after he's 'taken her out' to lunch. How and what things would be said would be very important. I have to think further about this.

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