Thursday, January 31, 2008

Day of Reckoning

31 January, Thursday - Her Big Day. This was possibly going to be one of the biggest days (at least sexually speaking) of our marriage. Today was the day she and G had loosely set up for a 'date' when she would finally fuck him after many months of fantasizing by her (and surely G also) and slowly increasing flirtations that culminated with her bold sexual IM chat on Tuesday. Our conversation last night, however, had left things uncertain for today. My wife had reconsidered meeting with G today due to confidentiality concerns. There were no specific plans made on Tuesday regarding a meeting time or place. We had decided last night that we would carry on with our day today and she would deal with things when and if G contacted her.

My wife went to work out in the early morning. We had lunch together in the City as planned. I had not asked her about G nor had she mentioned anything about him calling her. As we walked back to our car, I asked her if she had given any more thought to our conversation about G from last night. "A little" she said. She planned to pull back from efforts with G for now. My concerns from last night apparently gave my wife pause for the time being. We agreed that she would continue to talk with G, especially since their mutual desire for each other was in the open now. She would make sure they were on the same page regarding his being discreet before being sexual with him or taking him as a regular lover.

She told me G did not contact her this morning, "You know I would have told you if he had"

She also said she would redirect her pursuit [back] to B, whom I thought would be a better or safer choice in lovers. She said she thinks he [still] wants her. I assured her that he did. I again suggested that she be bold with him. I told her that she needed to initiate the action with B - that on her next 'alone' or 'play' day, she should call him and tell him: [that] 'You haven't taken me out to lunch lately and my husband is working until this afternoon'

I told her not to be coy with B. I have heard him being suggestive enough times with her to know that all she needs to do is respond in an equally flirtatious manner and she would be able to have him. He has repeatedly served my wife openings on a sliver platter - soft tosses for her to jump all over, which have gone unrecognized or been ignored. Last week B had jokingly, but presciently, told her while on the phone, "Your problem is you don't know when someone wants you!" - a perfect opportunity for her to comeback with 'So are you telling me that you want me?' (She replied that I have told her the exact same thing many times, that she underestimates the power of her sexual attractiveness to/over other men) or when another playful conversation, also last week, led him to ask my wife "So are you offering to take me to lunch?", she could have come back with 'Well, I am trying to take you somewhere but it isn't to lunch' She claims that she is not quick enough with the snappy flirtatious comeback. I believe that she can be but that she either surpresses her instinct or that she chooses to be naive or coy when presented with these opportunities to take her flirtations to the next level. I think it's a learned protective response, so that she does not have to feel uncomfortable with the sexual tension.

She did admit that sexual tension is exciting. My suggestion to her was that from now on, whatever comeback she thinks of in response to men's sexual flirtations or double entendres, for her to always go one step further [than she is comfortable] with her reply and the result would be that she would have as many lovers or sexual couplings as she desired. She needs to be willing to play 'outside the box', closer to 'the edge' of comfort (or discomfort). I said she should stretch herself in these situations; to slowly adapt to being comfortable with a little discomfort or sexual tension. It's an example of the 'Risk vs. Reward' adage - the more you are willing to risk, the bigger your potential reward.

She mentioned to me that she did not like the idea of me leaving the house so that she could be with G. She didn't like the time limit effect of it, although I never mentioned a time limit to her that she could be with G. I had just told her to call me when she was through with him. She said it would feel like it was too time constrained, like she was a hooker on an appointment. She preferred having her two weekdays, the days that I worked until early afternoon, as her days to play with her lovers - as her days to herself to have 'dates' while I was away from the house, and the remaining days of the week to spend with me and/or family.

She also said she did not like it when I made suggestions as to what to say to B & G as I often do. Often I will suggest responses to their flirtations with her, or specific verbiage for her to include in her conversations or flirtations with them - teasing words, double-entendres, and other leading statements for her to cast out there for them run with. Mostly they have to do with her letting them know that she is open to playing with them and taking their relationship to the next [sexual] step or that I, her husband, am aware of her flirting, outside sexual interest in them and that I approve and am OK with it. She said that when I do tell her what to say to them, that it feels like it takes away her power as a sexy woman. My suggestions are almost always much more bold than she is comfortable with and she feels that they will make her appear [to B & G] as someone who she is not. She wants to proceed at her own pace with them. She fears that when she eventually ends up with them sexually, that their expectations of her would be based more on my urgings and suggestions than on her own suggestive remarks. I can understand her point of view on this and will try to let her develop at her own pace and have her own voice regarding her sexual pursuits. (I explained that my motivations have to do with my dominant nature, my desire for sexual control over her - (see entry Complete Ownership & Submission 12/30/06). She told me she still has difficulties with being completely submissive sexually to me despite her submissive nature and desire to be controlled (see her 'Little Wife' letter post 12/30/06)

In the end, today was not to be the day that she fulfilled both of our desires for her to be with another man. I think we're both OK with this though as some valid concerns arose that we've discussed. We're discovering that the path we're going down can be complex, and we'll continue to talk, refining what it is that we both desire, balancing sexual wants with needs for security and discretion.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

The Devil's in the Details

30 January, Wednesday - Expressing my Concerns. We spent the day together, working out, having lunch, etc... A busy day without much talk or thought (besides my predawn fucking and sucking of her freshly waxed pussy) about my wife's pending and still tentative 'date' with G tomorrow. I had wanted to talk with her about rules and/or guidelines regarding her taking lovers and the first opportunity we had to do so was this evening just 25 minutes before I had to leave for work. Not much time and still unfinished, but I expressed a few of my thoughts and concerns:

- I reiterated the need for emotional detachment on her part, or the extreme importance of emotional non-attachment. How she was not to turn G into her confidant, shoulder-to-cry-on, or someone that she shares her/our problems with. She fully understood and agreed about the potential danger and risk of doing this.

- I reminded her that she was to remain in control of their 'relationship'. She was to be the one to set the tone for their 'dates' - the who, what, where, when. G becoming her lover was to be on her (or more loosely, our) terms. Specifically, for tomorrow she should let him know the time frame she would be available to him and to essentially let him know that she had other commitments, like a planned lunch date we have tomorrow.

- I told her that she needed to make certain that G would be discreet. Although he is also married, I expressed my concern of the possibility that he would 'talk' or be indiscreet with friends of his who are also friends of ours...specifically male friends. I recommended that she nail this one down right from the start - that if she couldn't get his iron-clad assurance of discretion, that the relationship as lovers would be a non-starter - that it would not be worth it for us. The community that we live in and our circle of friends and acquaintances is/are too small to put our reputations at risk. As I've mentioned here before, we've talked of playing outside of our community or with strangers to blunt any possibly embarrassing situations, but my wife has always felt more comfortable being sexual with friends or acquaintances.

I mentioned to my wife that those same qualities that attracted her to G - an extroverted personality, a quick-wit, a very 'male' guys-guy demeanor and macho exterior - are the same qualities that give [me] cause for concern about the possibility of him being indiscreet and bragging or talking about having bedded her. She agreed. Obviously, neither she nor I want her to be known for sleeping around. She already feels that there are some people, some women in our circle, who believe that she has some form of 'intimate' relationship with B already, probably due to the simple fact that my wife and B spend more than the usual amount of time together or on the phone due to the organization we all belong to. I assured her that there was nothing she could do to effectively change their minds if, indeed, they believed that, so don't worry about them.

My wife told me that she never had thought about the possibility of G talking and seemed genuinely concerned now, as well. She admitted that maybe she was being naive but asked me why I had never brought this topic up before with her. I confessed that, frankly, I hadn't expected her to get this far with G so suddenly (although she has wanted him since last spring or summer), and now that she was on the threshold of it actually sleeping with him, I needed to bring it up. She seemed a little distressed that she could have been directing her attentions to B all this time but said "I think there is still a possibility with B." (Of course there is, she had done nothing to close the door on B - she has just found G more attractive as a potential lover and had therefore directed more of her attention towards him).

I told her discretion is the reason that I have felt that B would be a more suitable lover for her. He is older than G, more mature, more life-experienced and possibly has more at stake, making discretion more assured as a result. She responded that she didn't know that I felt that way, and why hadn't I told her my opinion about my preference in who she took as a lover. Honestly, I think she is right - I don't think I have ever verbalized it to her. I've known that she wants G more than B, and I remember her mentioning to me a while back something to the effect of that the shine was off B for some reason or another.

I told her I thought it would be less of a concern if we were inviting G to join us for a threesome, versus just having him fucking my wife solo as a married woman. She agreed and understood what I was saying, although I'm not quite sure how to clearly explain it here, but I think there's a different dynamic involved if we to play as a threesome with my wife being the center of attention. I believe it feels more friendly, more of an intimate friendship as opposed to it being a man fucking another man's wife. I offered the threesome with G as a choice for her as well, although in the past she has told me that she did not think her lovers would be interested in threesomes. Tonight she sounded a more open to broaching the subject with G, but I could have read her wrong.

Of course, again, I also offered her the option of playing with or finding 'strangers' or 'lifestyle' partners as alternative.

My 25 minutes was running out and I had to leave for work. We had not discussed everything I had wanted to - we'd have to continue this discussion. Other rules and thoughts we still need to discuss include: condom use (or lack thereof - aka: barebacking & being put on the pill, playing alone vs. playing together (or with me present), hosting at home vs. at her lovers home, never allowing disrespect of spouse(s), playing/'cheating'/hotwifing online -via email, IM, honesty and trust as an absolute, frequency of 'dates', approval of lovers/giving permission, allowing of video & photos, playing alone vs. together...

She said she was going to pull back from her 'date' tomorrow and suggest to G that they meet instead to talk - to discuss expectations, desires, logistics, etc... before actually becoming sexual.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

On The Threshold

29 January, Tuesday - As close as ever. I had been at work for seven hours when I thought of my wife. I hadn't heard from her at all today, which was a little unusual. I texted her to see what she was up to - "Flirting with G". I was intrigued. Our short exchange went like this:

Me (1/29 10:06): hello. What r u doing?
Wife (1/29 10:07): Flirting w G
Me (1/29 10:07): Tell me about it
Wife (1/29 10:07): I must get waxed didn't want to meet him without
Me (1/29 10:07): Tell him u have ur waxing appt set up tomorrow
Me (1/29 10:08): U texting or talking?
Wife (1/29 10:09): Texting but he did call
Me (1/29 10:10): Did u talk with him?
Wife (1/29 10:10): Little bit...tentative thurs but realized u r home
Me (1/29 10:11): U being bold with him? Let him kno what u want
Me (1/29 10:12): Tentative thurs for what? Fucking?
Me (1/29 10:13): I'm on lunch If u want to call & tell me about it

Wife (1/29 10:13): He said he owed me from last night I said diamonds might calm me he said what about him. I said that is what I truly want

Me (1/29 10:25): Love u...u r a very sexy woman and u did great today...u'll have ur lover in 2 days
Wife (1/29 10:26) I hope so

She called me on the phone at that point and proceeded to tell me about her flirtations with G. She was excited and I think a little giddy about it all. She had been at the gym when she received the first text message from G and she flirted and bantered with him for about the next hour as she worked out. From what she was telling me on the phone that she had said, it sounded like the most forward and direct she has been with G or anyone else. She was worked up a bit. She said she had been and still was nervous about it and had been shaking as she texted back and forth to him. She told me later in the afternoon as we fucked that she had become aroused and that her pussy became wet during their exchange. I was most impressed and even surprised about her message to me that said "tentative thurs, but realized u r home". Was she telling me what I thought she was??? Had she actually made plans with G to come over and fuck her? She asked me if I wanted to read what she had written to G. I'd be home in an hour.

G (8:50 am): I owe u.
Wife (8:51 am): diamonds might calm me
G (8:52 am): How about me
Wife (8:53 am): That's what I truly want
G (8:54 am): Better than diamonds
Wife (8:55 am): I know
G (8:56 am): U only can wear diamonds
Wife (8:57 am): Would rather wear other
G (8:58 am): Nice
Wife (8:59 am): thanks
G (9:00 am): For ? Haven't done anything yet
Wife (9:02 am): For anything that u might do

G (9:02 am): On my way

Wife (9:04 am): Man...Am in xxxxxx City working out
G (9:04 am): Oh well
Wife (9:04 am): But this is a good time. My husband works till 1

G (9:05 am): Awesome

Wife(9:06 am): I think so too - gives me a lot of alone time

G (9:09 am): U got to get to the grown up store and pick up some friends

Wife (9:12 am): All good honey

G (9:22 am): I bet

Wife (9:29 am): Am thinking that is a compliment while I shower

G (9:30 am): Mentally

G (9:32 am): With u

Wife (9:37 am): I like that, and u more and more

Wife (9:56 am): am serious but nervous & I do not have to delete (G had called my wife's cell before this message and was asking her if she knew where the 'delete' key was on her phone - a reference to me finding out about her and him, texting and fucking. She was attempting to indirectly tell him that I knew about everything she did (and approved) by telling him that 'I do not have to delete'. I don't think that he understood what she was trying to tell him. They decided during this call that Thursday was going to work for them to hook up, although my wife forgot that I was going to be home that day)
Wife (10:10 am): must make waxing appt first. that's what am trying to do today
Wife (10:24 am): i am at the store what size/brand?

As it turns out, she had been a hair away from realizing her desire to fuck G and take him as a lover. The only thing stopping her was the fact that she was not at home at the time and that she was not freshly waxed. G only lives a couple streets away, 2-3 minutes by car. While she had been texting with him, he had started over towards our house, stopping only when my wife told him she wasn't home. She told me that wanted to be smooth for him. She has always wanted G to know that she was completely bare as well as pierced. As we fucked I pressed her for the answer I already knew - "You wanted to fuck G today, didn't you? If you were at home when he told you he was on the way, you would have let him come over and fuck you, wouldn't you have?" She answered "Yes" to both questions.

I could tell by the forward nature of her texts to him that she had now crossed over in her mind and was ready to fuck him. She said that she was emboldened by the fact that [finally] he was the one to 'initiate' the sexual banter. Despite my telling her to the contrary, she has always felt that G (as well as her other prospective lover B) would not respond or would reject her if she were more forward and direct with them in communicating her desire to be sexual with them. She felt she had been giving them enough line to run with but that they had not 'taken the bait' and been responsive to her. Today was different....and it was all she needed.

She scrambled to get an earlier appointment for her brazilian waxing, which she had scheduled for tomorrow. She really wanted to be sexy for G and wanted to be waxed for him. I was aroused by the thought of my wife wanting to be sexy for her lover. She eventually found a salon that could accommodate her and she came home sore and red, but smooth.

We talked about it intermittently throughout the rest of the day and evening. She was still somewhat nervous about it actually happening, saying "We"ll see". Interestingly enough, we both seemed pretty calm only two days removed from her finally being fucked by another man besides me, her first since her affair some 14 years ago.

I think it's a calm-before-the-storm type of thing. Possibly a little sobering realization that we are on the threshold of a doorway that by crossing it has the potential to alter our relationship. For me, it's an odd kind of excitement.