Thursday, January 31, 2008

Day of Reckoning

31 January, Thursday - Her Big Day. This was possibly going to be one of the biggest days (at least sexually speaking) of our marriage. Today was the day she and G had loosely set up for a 'date' when she would finally fuck him after many months of fantasizing by her (and surely G also) and slowly increasing flirtations that culminated with her bold sexual IM chat on Tuesday. Our conversation last night, however, had left things uncertain for today. My wife had reconsidered meeting with G today due to confidentiality concerns. There were no specific plans made on Tuesday regarding a meeting time or place. We had decided last night that we would carry on with our day today and she would deal with things when and if G contacted her.

My wife went to work out in the early morning. We had lunch together in the City as planned. I had not asked her about G nor had she mentioned anything about him calling her. As we walked back to our car, I asked her if she had given any more thought to our conversation about G from last night. "A little" she said. She planned to pull back from efforts with G for now. My concerns from last night apparently gave my wife pause for the time being. We agreed that she would continue to talk with G, especially since their mutual desire for each other was in the open now. She would make sure they were on the same page regarding his being discreet before being sexual with him or taking him as a regular lover.

She told me G did not contact her this morning, "You know I would have told you if he had"

She also said she would redirect her pursuit [back] to B, whom I thought would be a better or safer choice in lovers. She said she thinks he [still] wants her. I assured her that he did. I again suggested that she be bold with him. I told her that she needed to initiate the action with B - that on her next 'alone' or 'play' day, she should call him and tell him: [that] 'You haven't taken me out to lunch lately and my husband is working until this afternoon'

I told her not to be coy with B. I have heard him being suggestive enough times with her to know that all she needs to do is respond in an equally flirtatious manner and she would be able to have him. He has repeatedly served my wife openings on a sliver platter - soft tosses for her to jump all over, which have gone unrecognized or been ignored. Last week B had jokingly, but presciently, told her while on the phone, "Your problem is you don't know when someone wants you!" - a perfect opportunity for her to comeback with 'So are you telling me that you want me?' (She replied that I have told her the exact same thing many times, that she underestimates the power of her sexual attractiveness to/over other men) or when another playful conversation, also last week, led him to ask my wife "So are you offering to take me to lunch?", she could have come back with 'Well, I am trying to take you somewhere but it isn't to lunch' She claims that she is not quick enough with the snappy flirtatious comeback. I believe that she can be but that she either surpresses her instinct or that she chooses to be naive or coy when presented with these opportunities to take her flirtations to the next level. I think it's a learned protective response, so that she does not have to feel uncomfortable with the sexual tension.

She did admit that sexual tension is exciting. My suggestion to her was that from now on, whatever comeback she thinks of in response to men's sexual flirtations or double entendres, for her to always go one step further [than she is comfortable] with her reply and the result would be that she would have as many lovers or sexual couplings as she desired. She needs to be willing to play 'outside the box', closer to 'the edge' of comfort (or discomfort). I said she should stretch herself in these situations; to slowly adapt to being comfortable with a little discomfort or sexual tension. It's an example of the 'Risk vs. Reward' adage - the more you are willing to risk, the bigger your potential reward.

She mentioned to me that she did not like the idea of me leaving the house so that she could be with G. She didn't like the time limit effect of it, although I never mentioned a time limit to her that she could be with G. I had just told her to call me when she was through with him. She said it would feel like it was too time constrained, like she was a hooker on an appointment. She preferred having her two weekdays, the days that I worked until early afternoon, as her days to play with her lovers - as her days to herself to have 'dates' while I was away from the house, and the remaining days of the week to spend with me and/or family.

She also said she did not like it when I made suggestions as to what to say to B & G as I often do. Often I will suggest responses to their flirtations with her, or specific verbiage for her to include in her conversations or flirtations with them - teasing words, double-entendres, and other leading statements for her to cast out there for them run with. Mostly they have to do with her letting them know that she is open to playing with them and taking their relationship to the next [sexual] step or that I, her husband, am aware of her flirting, outside sexual interest in them and that I approve and am OK with it. She said that when I do tell her what to say to them, that it feels like it takes away her power as a sexy woman. My suggestions are almost always much more bold than she is comfortable with and she feels that they will make her appear [to B & G] as someone who she is not. She wants to proceed at her own pace with them. She fears that when she eventually ends up with them sexually, that their expectations of her would be based more on my urgings and suggestions than on her own suggestive remarks. I can understand her point of view on this and will try to let her develop at her own pace and have her own voice regarding her sexual pursuits. (I explained that my motivations have to do with my dominant nature, my desire for sexual control over her - (see entry Complete Ownership & Submission 12/30/06). She told me she still has difficulties with being completely submissive sexually to me despite her submissive nature and desire to be controlled (see her 'Little Wife' letter post 12/30/06)

In the end, today was not to be the day that she fulfilled both of our desires for her to be with another man. I think we're both OK with this though as some valid concerns arose that we've discussed. We're discovering that the path we're going down can be complex, and we'll continue to talk, refining what it is that we both desire, balancing sexual wants with needs for security and discretion.

1 comment:

nirvana said...

Will be closely following developments. Hope the hiccup is only a short and temporary one.