The Devil's in the Details

30 January, Wednesday - Expressing my Concerns. We spent the day together, working out, having lunch, etc... A busy day without much talk or thought (besides my predawn fucking and sucking of her freshly waxed pussy) about my wife's pending and still tentative 'date' with G tomorrow. I had wanted to talk with her about rules and/or guidelines regarding her taking lovers and the first opportunity we had to do so was this evening just 25 minutes before I had to leave for work. Not much time and still unfinished, but I expressed a few of my thoughts and concerns:

- I reiterated the need for emotional detachment on her part, or the extreme importance of emotional non-attachment. How she was not to turn G into her confidant, shoulder-to-cry-on, or someone that she shares her/our problems with. She fully understood and agreed about the potential danger and risk of doing this.

- I reminded her that she was to remain in control of their 'relationship'. She was to be the one to set the tone for their 'dates' - the who, what, where, when. G becoming her lover was to be on her (or more loosely, our) terms. Specifically, for tomorrow she should let him know the time frame she would be available to him and to essentially let him know that she had other commitments, like a planned lunch date we have tomorrow.

- I told her that she needed to make certain that G would be discreet. Although he is also married, I expressed my concern of the possibility that he would 'talk' or be indiscreet with friends of his who are also friends of ours...specifically male friends. I recommended that she nail this one down right from the start - that if she couldn't get his iron-clad assurance of discretion, that the relationship as lovers would be a non-starter - that it would not be worth it for us. The community that we live in and our circle of friends and acquaintances is/are too small to put our reputations at risk. As I've mentioned here before, we've talked of playing outside of our community or with strangers to blunt any possibly embarrassing situations, but my wife has always felt more comfortable being sexual with friends or acquaintances.

I mentioned to my wife that those same qualities that attracted her to G - an extroverted personality, a quick-wit, a very 'male' guys-guy demeanor and macho exterior - are the same qualities that give [me] cause for concern about the possibility of him being indiscreet and bragging or talking about having bedded her. She agreed. Obviously, neither she nor I want her to be known for sleeping around. She already feels that there are some people, some women in our circle, who believe that she has some form of 'intimate' relationship with B already, probably due to the simple fact that my wife and B spend more than the usual amount of time together or on the phone due to the organization we all belong to. I assured her that there was nothing she could do to effectively change their minds if, indeed, they believed that, so don't worry about them.

My wife told me that she never had thought about the possibility of G talking and seemed genuinely concerned now, as well. She admitted that maybe she was being naive but asked me why I had never brought this topic up before with her. I confessed that, frankly, I hadn't expected her to get this far with G so suddenly (although she has wanted him since last spring or summer), and now that she was on the threshold of it actually sleeping with him, I needed to bring it up. She seemed a little distressed that she could have been directing her attentions to B all this time but said "I think there is still a possibility with B." (Of course there is, she had done nothing to close the door on B - she has just found G more attractive as a potential lover and had therefore directed more of her attention towards him).

I told her discretion is the reason that I have felt that B would be a more suitable lover for her. He is older than G, more mature, more life-experienced and possibly has more at stake, making discretion more assured as a result. She responded that she didn't know that I felt that way, and why hadn't I told her my opinion about my preference in who she took as a lover. Honestly, I think she is right - I don't think I have ever verbalized it to her. I've known that she wants G more than B, and I remember her mentioning to me a while back something to the effect of that the shine was off B for some reason or another.

I told her I thought it would be less of a concern if we were inviting G to join us for a threesome, versus just having him fucking my wife solo as a married woman. She agreed and understood what I was saying, although I'm not quite sure how to clearly explain it here, but I think there's a different dynamic involved if we to play as a threesome with my wife being the center of attention. I believe it feels more friendly, more of an intimate friendship as opposed to it being a man fucking another man's wife. I offered the threesome with G as a choice for her as well, although in the past she has told me that she did not think her lovers would be interested in threesomes. Tonight she sounded a more open to broaching the subject with G, but I could have read her wrong.

Of course, again, I also offered her the option of playing with or finding 'strangers' or 'lifestyle' partners as alternative.

My 25 minutes was running out and I had to leave for work. We had not discussed everything I had wanted to - we'd have to continue this discussion. Other rules and thoughts we still need to discuss include: condom use (or lack thereof - aka: barebacking & being put on the pill, playing alone vs. playing together (or with me present), hosting at home vs. at her lovers home, never allowing disrespect of spouse(s), playing/'cheating'/hotwifing online -via email, IM, honesty and trust as an absolute, frequency of 'dates', approval of lovers/giving permission, allowing of video & photos, playing alone vs. together...

She said she was going to pull back from her 'date' tomorrow and suggest to G that they meet instead to talk - to discuss expectations, desires, logistics, etc... before actually becoming sexual.