Saturday, December 30, 2006

Her "Little Wife" Letter

30 December, Saturday - Her "Little Wife" letter to me. I left my wife in a state of arousal this afternoon. I denied her an orgasm for hours and hours playing with her pussy from the early morning hours until about 4pm and because I needed to leave for work, I had instructed her to write a letter to me about everything that had transpired in the past 24-hours and her feelings. I wanted her to start a journal of her sexual experiences from now on. I had instructed her that she was not to cum while I was away, that she was not to touch her pussy or masturbate unless I allowed it. I told her that if I was satisfied with her letter to me, that I might let her bring herself off.

An hour or two I received a text message from my wife asking me to check my email. "I hope you are pleased" Here is what she wrote to me:

Throbbing and pulsing, that's how he left me. He played with me for hours then told me to go take a shower. He told me I couldn't cum. He told me I was his to do what he wanted with. He spanked me, he put 2 fingers in my ass and fingered and manhandled my pussy over and over. He made me crazy wanting to cum, then refused my need. I loved every minute of it.

"I want to dominate you." "I own you, this pussy is mine." "You will do what I say, when I say." "I will own you sexually, your sexuality will come from me, your pleasure will come from me." "You will be a shared wife." "I will share you." "Remember that I love you, that you trust me, I will not humiliate you, and that I will take care of you."

All these things he said to me and yet he would not let me cum. He waited for my agreement. He wanted me to consent to be owned by him sexually. Although, I gave my consent, he still would not let me cum. I took the shower; I ate my breakfast and lay back down. As he started to fondle me again and repeat that he owned me, he still would not bring me to orgasm. He left for work and left me pulsing and swollen saying after he reads what I write, (if he likes) then he will let me cum.

I want to cum, so I am here writing and hoping he will be pleased.

I have secretly wanted to be dominated. I have been insecure about pleasing my husband and find I am extremely turned on by being told what to do. I like being the little wife. I like to please him. I love when he tells me to bend over or spread my legs for him. I am excited and nervous at the same time. I have been more of a conservative lady when it comes to sex. I have never let myself get too wild for fear of someone finding out. I guess then, not approving. My husband says I need to be set free. I am afraid. My husband says he will be there and will take care of me...I need to trust him. I find it hard to give up control of my sexual life. My sexual life though has not been that fulfilling over the years. Maybe this is just what I need. Maybe I need him to control what I do sexually and not ask any questions. This will be a new chapter in my life, giving up control.

To please him from now on:

I must ask to play with my pussy

I must dress sexily everyday
I must apply my makeup carefully each day
I must talk to my friends about us
I must tell him when someone says I look sexy
I must look men and women in the eye and smile when I think they are checking me out
I must talk to someone when he tells me to
I must expose myself if he tells me to
I must suck his cock if he tells me to
I must get my ass (and I assume pussy) filled with any item he wants
I must purchase the longest, fattest cucumber I can find
I must wear or not wear what he says
I must show my clit ring to my friend
I must share that I have a chastity belt
I must let him use clips and other methods to pull and pinch me
I must let him paddle me and like it
I must go out with eggs or dildos in my pussy if he says
I must be ready to be fucked when he gets home
I must never refuse to do these things

Hot and wet is how I am feeling right now. I have not touched myself though. I will not until I am given permission. I wonder if moving around in this chair and kegel excercises count as touching my pussy? I am looking forward to the next instruction I am given.

I am pleased.

Complete Ownership and Submission

30 December, Saturday 0930am - A new lifestyle. We awoke and were lightly playing with each other. We talked about our fight from last Thursday night, datenight, and got into a relationship/sexuality discussion. It started out somewhat badly, but turned into a healthy discussion of multiple topics: her need to feel truly loved and supported, my being deeply in love with her and needing to feel that she's in love with me as well, my feeing a lack of affection and physical closeness, her need for me to stick by her even (or especially) in times of our fights - to not take myself away and become unavailable, her feeling of sexual inadequacy - not having ever felt like she was enough sexually for me.

This last point launched us into a much bigger discussion. I asked her where her feeling of sexual inadequacy came from. Was it me? Did I do or say anything to her to make her feel this way? She said she was sexually inexperienced when we started together. She gave me two examples of how she felt she was not good: sucking my cock and fucking with her on top (cowgirl). She didn't like to suck my cock because she doesn't feel does it well, and said I possibly said something to her somewhere in our 20 years that caused her to want to not suck. I'm less clear about her not wanting to ride on top, but she did mention fucking a black friend where this issue came out. I told her that I loved when she did both with me, that all women (and men) fuck and suck differently, some better than others and just because I give her a suggestion, does not mean that she'll never be good at it.

We talked more about other relationship/sexual topics before I turned to face her as we lay in bed. I said I had something to tell her. This was a serious topic for me and I wanted to bring it out into the open. I looked her in the eye and paused. I think she was a little worried about what I might say to her, because her face showed a bit of apprehension. I held the eye contact and told my wife that I wanted to [sexually] DOMINATE her - I wanted to OWN her. I wanted to control every aspect of her sexuality. Her body was to belong to me, her pussy, her ass, her breasts. Her sexual pleasure, both quality and quantity was to be dictated by me. This was not light conversation for me - I was completely serious. I did not plan to have this conversation at this moment. I did not even have this conversation practiced in my mind nor organized prior to my saying it. This was spontaneous and impromptu, but very serious and deeply felt. Something I have wanted for a longtime, something from my dark side. I have always been dominant but I was now asking for much more from her.

I was proposing an entire lifestyle change for us and for her specifically. This was not to be just a weekend experiment, but a way of life. I told her that I loved her, that she needed to trust me, to know that I'd protect her, that I would not humiliate her and for her part, she would cede all control of her sexuality, sexual pleasure, body and decisions as they related to her or our sex life, to me. She would be owned. I would insist on her sexual submission to me. There would be no questioning of my instructions by her. She would be required to do as instructed, no questions asked. Discipline would be involved as needed.

I wanted her to chose this life. It had to be a deliberate choice for her. She had to acknowledge her new submissiveness, to accept her sexual ownership. She was to be free to decide this on her own, without me pressuring her about it. I could not have her half-committed to this new lifestyle. This was to be complete sexual submission and domination - sexual ownership. Sexual only. I made it clear to her that she would remain my equal in all other aspects of life - partner, wife, friend, mother of our children, etc... Her ownership, dominance and submission was to apply to her sexuality.

(We talked more later when we got home. Many things were talked about - she got to read this blog for the first time...she wanted to just make love sometimes (without toys, videos, etc...)...I got home thinking [again] about her affair, she was defensive and told me how she felt hurt by my sleeping with other women and I explained how it was not the same - how her affair was emotional...she has never told ANYONE of her affair...chastity belts, hanging sling chairs...her submission and being owned...told her how the word 'slut' to me is a complimentary term, not she is taking small steps and understands about 'changing her mindset' but slow to I always knew she looked at XXX videos when I was not home...that I do have fears just like her...

Friday, December 29, 2006

Life & Death Decisions Over a Skirt

29 December, Friday - Datenight gone bad. Our night out got started off on the wrong foot before it even started. In a nutshell, I got upset over my wife's unwillingness to wear a shorter skirt than the one she had chosen. We're talking about approximately a 2-3 inch difference in opinion - Her: 2-3" above the knee; Me: 5-6" above the knee. Difference in mindset: A MILE WIDE.

I told her that she looked sexy (not slutty) in it and told her I wanted her to wear it. There wasn't much arguing about it - she said she didnt' feel comfortable in something that short and I walked out exasperated after saying a few words to try to convince her to wear it. I was tired of her unwillingness to be more daring. I no longer cared about the datenight. Frankly, I didn't care whether we went or not.

We had intended to visit a couple of leather-type, sexually oriented stores before checking into our hotel and going out for dinner. However, I no longer had any desire to go and we drove directly to our hotel in SF to check in. There had been very little said between us for the past 1.5 hours. She went into the bathroom to use the jacuzzi tub and I left the hotel to buy some beer and champagne.

As our dinner reservation time approached, she dressed and came out of the bathroom wearing neither skirt, but wearing a pair of jeans. That was it. I was done. A few short terse words later and I told my wife that once dinner was done, she could drop me off at the train station and she could stay in SF by herself. This suited her fine and we left the hotel in silence.

Despite the fact that I seldom practice it, I know that the vast majority of disagreements can be worked out or mitigated if people continue talking. Unfortunately, I happen to be a go-for-broke, take-no-prisoners kind of guy, which does not lend to win-win resolutions. As we drove to the restaurant my wife said she wanted me to stay in SF with her. I apologized for my bad behavior.

I felt badly as we sat for dinner and began to candidly open up to my wife about our relationship. How I felt I had neglected her for many, many years - how she had been the one to pay the price for my devotion and commitment to my business. It had only been since I closed the business two years ago that I truly realized how much I loved her. I was feeling an urgency to make up for lost time with her. I apologized for all those years that I chose my work over my marriage.

I also told her how I could not stop thinking about her having been with and cheating with her lover from work. I could not control the thoughts that frequently ran through my head about her and him. I was still hurting about her revelation. It had been about a month since her disclosure and I thought of it often. I told her how it both hurt and aroused me at the same time to think of her fucking him.

I had had a couple of beers in the hotel room and was drinking pretty freely at the restaurant, finishing off two or three martinis and then starting into the bottle of wine we had ordered. I am not the type of guy who drinks his problems away - at all - but it just felt good tonight. I think it was the first time I have ever drank to forget, to deaden the hurt and pain. She drove us back to the hotel.

Back in the hotel room, we put in an XXX movie we had brought with us along with some toys and started to play with each other. She told me that, earlier while she was in the jacuzzi tub, she had sat with her legs draped over the sides of the tub, her pussy positioned in front of the jets. She had wanted me to walk in on her as the water pulsed against her pussy. I told her to show me how she did it and she went to start the jacuzzi again. It was hot to watch her as she positioned her pussy in front of the jet once again. Made me very hard. I climbed in and fucked her inside the tub, fingered her ass, took photos of her in the jacuzzi and of her sucking my cock as I stood over the tub. We went back to the bed and fucked more. She came with a large dildo in her pussy and the black dildo in her ass. We both fell asleep, but woke a few hours later and fucked again.

In the morning when I returned from moving the car, she was in bed watching more videos and playing with her pussy. She was turned on by the videos of fisting and cucumbers. I used the large dildo inside her until she came while we watched a Rocco video. We kept watching while we both masturbated, then fucked again with her being so aroused by watching her breasts bouncing and swaying violently as I thrust into her. Her pussy was so red and raw from all the fucking, sucking and playing with this week.

She says I owe her a proper datenight, since I messed this one up.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

"I want to be naughty for you"

27 December, Wednesday 2:00am - Datenight suggestions & IMs. I told her what I wanted to do tomorrow night on our datenight - how I wanted her to learn how to follow my directions, how I wanted her to take her to a hotel bar and show her off, to have her expose herself to an attractive man or woman by spreading her legs for them flashing her pussy, show off her legs or expose some of her breasts. I wanted to find someone, send over a drink or have my wife bring it to him/her and see where it leads. I was going to tell her to go dance with another man.

She wasn't responsive. Her pussy and clit still hurt and was feeling sensitive. Don't know really why - was she not liking my suggestions?, something wrong with her piercing?, razor burn from shaving her pussy the day before?, or a yeast infection? She began responding when I told her I'd send her to the bathroom during dinner to remove her panties and/or bra, or to go insert an egg/plug/dildo into her pussy. She said she could follow those orders. I think she is still apprehensive and nervous about taking my directions when it involves others. She wants to flash her pussy to [just] me across the room. I told her I wanted others to catch her in the act.

She asked me what I wanted to buy her to insert into her pussy. I had found a steel egg and steel balls at Madame S & Mr. S. I could also cut off the base of the small black dildo she had worn before while out with her friend M, so she could slip it entirely inside her pussy without the base irritating her lips. She mentioned a picture on our computer that she liked. It was a large steel ball that had 2 other smaller steel balls attached to it by chains - a woman would wear the larger ball inside her pussy as the other two balls would dangle from her pussy, hanging between her legs. She wanted this. I will try to find it.

She asked me again if I had shared her with any of my coworkers, either by telling them about her or showing her off to them. I had told one woman how I wanted her to be fucked by a thick black man. I had suspected a few months back that this white coworker loved being blacked, which she confirmed at that time. I asked her if she'd 'loan' one of her black lovers to my wife, but she told me she didn't like to share.

My wife continued to refine the details of how she wanted me to share her with a friend or coworkers. She didn't much care for me sharing about her with women. I surmised and confirmed that this was because with a woman, it would seen to be more about me flirting with this person, instead of it really being about the sharing of my wife. I would soon have her photos developed and I'd keep them in a separate envelope, but inside the small photo album I keep with me at work, waiting for just the right opportunity and person to share her. She didn't want to be shared with everyone and anyone or have me be known as the guy at work who shows naked photos of his wife to anyone who'll look at them.

I agreed fully, telling her I had no intention of making her the "town whore" or making her seem cheap in any way to anyone. Ideally, she'd like it if I just had a friend or maybe two, who I talked with about my wife intimately and who I showed her photos to. Someone that would know all about her sexually by what I told him, and who knew every detail of her body from seeing her graphic photos. She only wanted to know that I HAD shared her in this way with someone, but did not want to know WHO I had shared her with, so that if we were out having drinks, dinner, or out socially, she would not know which friend of mine 'knew' her 'secrets' - just that one (or more) of my friends DID 'know' her. She suggested that when I wanted her to know who she was shared with, I might lean over and whisper his name, perhaps even as he sat right next to her, or stood talking to flirting with her - that HE was the one whom I had shared her with.

As we played, we heard the IM alert going off on the computer across the room. After a while, she mentioned that maybe I should go over and reply to the IMs respond and tell them that she was being fucked by me right now, that she was too busy being eaten and too full of cock to respond herself. That sounded naughty and hot! My wife said she wanted to be naughty for me and encouraged me again to send the message before she came. She was VERY excited by her idea! Her pussy was wet and she panted and moaned as I licked her clit. She was pulling the skin above her pussy taut with both hands, making her pussy stretch upwards and causing her clit hood to be stretched smooth above and to the sides of her clit, as well as making her clit stick out more prominently for me to lick.

I instructed her to play with her pussy as I got out of bed to go to the computer to fulfill her desire for another man to know she was being fucked right then. She only wanted me to respond if the person was not being crude in his message. There were two IMs, both from black men, that I replied to, telling them how I was fucking my wife and that was why she wasn't available to play or chat online. One wanted to watch us fuck on webcam, which we don't own.

When I returned to bed, my wife wanted more of my tongue. I crawled up her body, rubbing my semi-erect cock against her slippery pussy lips and clit as we talked about the men. I told her that they were probably sitting at their computers as we fucked, looking at the photos of her naked body and spread pussy that I had posted online. She began fucking me back enthusiastically as I told her that they were most likely stroking their hard cocks as they looked at her pussy imagining her being fucked by me. She panted that she felt so naughty having me message them and that it made her hot that other men - strangers knew that at that very moment she was being ridden and fucked. I came deep inside her. She came shortly thereafter, her pussy overflowing with a combination of my cum, my saliva and her pussy juice.

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Day After Christmas - A Very Hot Chat

26 December, Tuesday 3:00pm. While I was out doing some after Christmas shopping , my wife started the following IM chat with me. It was so HOT receiving her text messages as I walked through the stores. She had just come back from working out and was going to go out with her friend B later in the evening:

Wife (12/26 15:08): Some pix on computer interesting
Me (12/26 15:08): Which ones
Wife (12/26 15:09): Double fisting & in ass
Wife (12/26 15:10): Nipple pumps??
Me (12/26 15:11): Mmmm....nice...are these pics we already have on computer?....touching urself?
Wife (12/26 15:12): Yes not touching yet
Me (12/26 15:12): Yes like pussy pump...swells the nipples same way as pussy
Me (12/26 15:13): I am envisioning u sitting completely naked at the computer spread....playing....get undressed for me
Wife(12/26 15:14): Pulled pants off now what?
Me (12/26 15:16): I want u completely bare...naked with legs the idea of someone walking in on u catching u being naughty
Wife (12/26 15:17): Panties off
Me (12/26 15:17): catching u because u left the door unlocked...Touch your clit...start tapping it
Me (12/26 15:18): Scoot up to edge of chair so ur pussy is right at the edge as u touch it
Me (12/26 15:18): Take ur top off & tell me when ur naked
Wife (12/26 15:19): Naked
Me (12/26 15:19): tell me what photos u are looking at as u touch ur hardening clit
Wife (12/26 15:21): Watching gang bang
Me (12/26 15:23): Sounds so hot...on computer or on disk? How many guys how many girls? Remember the hot poolside anal gangbang we watched in bed?
Me (12/26 15:24): ur pussy getting wet? Go get one of the large dildos
Me (12/26 15:25): When I get home I want us to reply to some of the IMs and we can look at emails
Wife (12/26 15:31): when u get home will go out calling B now
Me (12/26 15:32): ok...u still at computer playing? U cum?
Wife (12/26 15:33): Yes @ comp no cum yet looking for video
Me (12/26 15:34): What one are u looking for? On cd? Did u go get fat dildo yet? I told u to go get it.
Wife (12/26 15:35): Going now
Wife (12/26 15:38): Watching rocco orgy now dildo in front of me on desk
Me (12/26 15:39): Yes... which one do u have? I want u to put it on the chair, straddle it, then slowly sink down onto it, impaling ur cunt on it
Wife (12/26 15:40): Have thick one ..
Wife (12/26 15:40): lowering myself now
Me (12/26 15:40): U like how nasty that rocco orgy was didn't u? U wish it was u being gang ass fucked don't u? U want to be ass fucked like that don't u?
Wife (12/26 15:41): watching vacuum
Me (12/26 15:41): the really thick long one or the short flesh thick one?
Wife (12/26 15:41): Steel dildo
Me (12/26 15:41): We will look for pump this week for your HOT cunt
Wife (12/26 15:42): short thick
Wife (12/26 15:42): I like that steel dildo too
Me (12/26 15:43): Are u riding the dildo now?? I want u to lift up and lower u r riding it
Wife (12/26 15:44): yes
Me (12/26 15:44): Feel nasty? Naughty?
Wife (12/26 15:45): Girl getting sucked & fucked
Me (12/26 15:45): I want to make u cum before u go out with B...or send u to her w/ a pussy full of cum
Me (12/26 15:45): Did u talk w/her while u were naked and watching videos?
Wife (12/26 15:46): Ur not here. yes talked to her naked
Me (12/26 15:46): ...then have u tell her when u see her how I fucked u and filled u and how u were masturbating just before seeing her
Wife (12/26 15:48): Don't b silly
Wife (12/26 15:49): Using arms on chair to lift me up down
Me (12/26 15:49): If the opportunity presents itself I want u to tell her...many ways for that opportunity to present itself
Me (12/26 15:50): Mmmm....ride that fat dildo ...drop down on it hard forcing it deep into ur cunt
Me (12/26 15:51): Clit play too. What r u watching now?
Wife (12/26 15:51): Sitting back fingering clit
Wife (12/26 15:52): Rocco
Me (12/26 15:52): I want to catch u doing all time I will set up video cam , pointed at desk, so I can see later what u did
Wife (12/26 15:52): Standing moving dildo in out while fingering
Me (12/26 15:52): Cunt still full of dildo?...
Wife(12/26 15:53): Yes
Me (12/26 15:53): Ooohhh myyyy...that sounds so hot visualizing u standing and shoving it hot for u
Wife(12/26 15:54): Came

Christmas Day

12/24, Sunday - Feeling Naughty. Arrived home around 5:30am Christmas Eve morning. I ate her pussy, then had to fuck her. While we fucked, I asked her if she felt naughty responding to the black attorney who had IM'd her. She said she DID feel naughty as well as scared. I also told her how hot it got me knowing that her friend B knew about us sexually and that B wanted to hear all about our datenight this week. We fucked until interrupted by the kids, then reverted to playing with her wet pussy as I described the scenario where she'd fuck the black attorney she had IM'd with last night: How I would bring her to a hotel where he would be waiting; she'd be dressed in a dress, heels, no panties or bra, with dark eye makeup and lipstick. How he would tower over her as he felt her up; how his large hands would feel as he mauled her plump ass and pussy when he reached under her skirt to find her sans panties and freshly waxed; how she'd unzip his pants, insert her comparatively small hand into the opening, fish around inside and pull out his python of a cock - heavy and thick - her white fingers barely able to wrap around his thick black cock; how she'd look kneeling between his legs as she tried to fit his large cock into her tight mouth; how her lipstick covered lips would be smeared and stretched over his dark tool as she sucked him; how he'd lay her on the hotel bed, finish undressing himself, then walk over to her with his thick stump of a cock erect and leading the way as he climbed between her spread stockinged thighs, smothering her with his 245 pound athletic frame as he sunk

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Fear & Excitement are the same emotion...viewed from two different angles

12/23, Saturday - Taking a small step forward. I got this text message from my wife as I drove into work:

"Got a message from a lawyer in San Francisco"

I couldn't figure out what she was saying. I tried to think of outstanding bills or debts we owed thinking some attorney was attempting to collect money from us! Finally, I got clarification - a black attorney in SF had IM'd her. She sent another message:

"Told B (another good friend of hers), we are going out to SF next week and will see what happens. She said she wants to hear everything. Said I'd moved to 'your side' and things have been really good. Told her we didn't know what would happen, but were talking & thinking."

I had two separate conversations going on with my wife. I asked her what the attorney looked like and asked whether she was comfortable replying to him or whether she wanted to wait till I was with her.

"Well, he says 6' something, 245lbs, bald with a goatee...did not reply...will wait for you"

I asked her if she thought her friend, who is married, would be interested in being with another man.

"Interested, she said fun to think about, but doesn't think she would ever do"

I told my wife to message the attorney. Tell him that her husband DOES like/want to share her, but that you don't play without him and he can contact her another time. I asked my wife if she had ever told her friend B that I find her attractive. I told her I wanted her friend to know that I find her sexy/attractive. I asked my wife if she thought B would ever play on the side.

"Well, that never came up. Just that her thinking about being with someone else is exciting, but she doesn't think she'd do it. I am not sure"

I told my wife to keep sharing with her about the things we do or things that we are starting to try, that maybe she would give into trying. I asked her if B had ever shared specifics about what she enjoys, who she'd want, what she's done in the past, etc...with my wife.

"No, we haven't had a chance to be specific, but she wants to go out next week though."

I asked her what SPECIFICS she had told B about us that we were doing or contemplating doing.

"Said that you would like to see me with another man or woman."

She told me that she sent the message to the attorney in SF and was going to email me a copy of her chat with him. Nice... I told her that I didn't mind her responding to people who IM her, but that I wanted her to leave the chats open on the computer so I could read them when I got home...or save the chats for later viewing. I told her I want to know what my sexy HOTWIFE has been doing while I'm away. I also told her that when she goes out with B next week, that I wanted her to share everything with her...the hot sex we've been having, the multiple orgasms, the sharing of her online, the sexy clothes, wearing the dildo out a few weeks back...everything.

This was her short chat with the attorney:

chocolateloverXXX: Hi, saw your profile at bayareawhitewives Yahoo group, and I thought that I would say hello. Nice picture, can taste that. I am six feet, 245 pounds with a shaved head and a goatee. I am a lawyer in San Francisco, and I am on the peninsula on occasion to visit friends. Maybe we can chat and see if we could meet up when I am in town. Have a happy Holiday and let me know what you think.
one_XXX: Hi, thanks for saying hello. My husband is interested in sharing me but I don't play without him. Maybe we can talk at another time. Happy Holiday to you as well.
chocolateloverXXX: Wbenevr you are free I would love to chat.
chocolateloverXXX: Sorry, i meant whenever of course.
one_XXX: of course that's how I read it. We will chat soon then.
chocolateloverXXX: Thanks

Now, that isn't a barnburner of a conversation, but it is a very big step for my wife and I love her for it.

About 10pm, Saturday, I get this message from my wife:

"Clit feels swollen"

I reminded her that in the past 36 hours, she's had 6 orgasms and had her clit mauled and manhandled alot.

"Oh yeah. Sounds nice, you remember all and now I am rubbing it again. Wish you were sucking me now"

She came once again (Orgasm#7)

That is 7 orgasms in 36 hours. Maybe not a ton for some women, but a lot for my woman. She's been incredible. No wonder her clit is so swollen.

Friday, December 22, 2006

Red Skies at Night, Sailors Delight...

12/19, Tuesday - Storm clouds brewing. For the 2nd night in a row, the sex was very non-participatory on her part, very mediocre at best. Then all of a sudden, on the second night, as I am fucking her...BOOM...she drops a bomb about her concerns about AIDS (since I have slept with other women during our marriage) and some other mumblings about a local couple who had contacted us by email, that I had mentioned to her earlier in the day. Abrupt end to sex.

12/20, Wednesday - Coming to a head. Once again I expressed my frustration at not making long-term progress sexually, she expressed her fears. She talked about having a comfort zone that creeps up on her, and while she is turned on by idea of fucking others, questions her courage to see them through. I talked about needing her to actively participate in our journey - looking at emails with me, helping with ads, actually being interested OTHER THAN when we are in bed playing with each other. Not just letting me do everything, and then have me feel badly when she doesn't respond or shuts down whenever I report any kind of progress. I mentioned that being with others is NOT such an unusual thing, that all she needed to do was look at 2 out of 3 of her closest friends for confirmation. People who have sex with others or have lovers are NOT freaks, but regular folks just like her and I - soccer moms, teachers, parents, etc... She said that as soon as something concrete develops, she freaks out and gets scared, like the other night. Talked and argued some about her sleeping with men she had known and how long she had known them before fucking them. In the end, she said that she just needed to adjust to things each step of the way, that the mention of the couple who contacted us, freaked her out. She said she needed time to go from step to step. She apologized for the show stopper AIDS comment in the middle of fucking. I reiterated to her the need to trust me, to know that I want this for both of us, to enhance our marriage, not destroy it. That I want her to believe that being in love with her AND wanting to share her are not mutually exclusive events. Left for work that evening during a relatively heated argument.

I went to the hospital to get tested today.

12/21, Thursday - Doing a 180. It's raining orgasms. We talked things through today. Things got better....then things got really better... In the early evening we went onto my Yahoo groups and showed them to her for the first time, showed her what they were about and looked at photos together. She wanted me to post her photos to the hotwife-type, soccer mom-type groups. She does not seem to care for the groups referring to slutwives or slut-anything despite me having told her before by me that to me that is NOT a derogatory term, but a compliment to a woman's sexuality and sexiness. A slut to me is a truly outwardly sexual and confident woman who proudly embraces her sexuality with great enthusiasm and lust.

We found a group about disciplining women who're caught masturbating. I find this a very hot topic. Asked her her opinion about it. She told me that it isn't really the discipline for being caught masturbating, but it's just plain discipline that she likes. She told me she enjoyed the lite spanking I had given her in the kitchen earlier in the day. She had been in jeans and bent over at the sink; I came up behind her and swatted her plump ass with my hand a few times, holding my hand to her ass after each swat, rubbing and kneading her ass and inner thighs after each swat. I was a little surprised by this, as I really wasn't trying to be either extraordinarily sexual or overtly dominant at the time. (I think back to a week earlier though, when she and I watched a movie called The Secretary, starring Maggie Gyllenhaal and James Spader, which involved spanking, discipline and control. The night we watched it, there was an very intense spanking scene, that I think really aroused us both, because I ended up between her legs sucking her pussy as she spread for me on the couch. I ended stroking my cock until I came strongly all over her breasts and stomach.)

While I know she loves having her pussy spanked, paddled and slapped, I did not think that she enjoyed having her ass spanked. Go figure. I've been with her for 21 years and as far as I can remember, whenever I've attempted to spank her ass, she has stopped me or said it hurts. Needless to say, I'll be re-exploring this, since I am dominant and enjoy discipline and control. She said she likes being spanked on the ass as long as it doesn't hurt too much.

That night as we were going to bed, she suggested we watch [xxx] movies. As we watched, I talked dirty to her about owning her, owning her body and pussy. How I wanted her to wear a choker or collar, so people would know that she was owned. We talked about our upcoming datenight next week and I told her I wanted her to wear a choker, no panties or bra, so I could feel up her pussy and breasts as we're out. Talked about a photo we had seen earlier of a couple on the dance floor of a club, wherein the man was standing/dancing behind the woman and had his hand deep into the girls pants playing with her pussy...she enjoyed this. Told her I'd try to find a plug or egg that she could wear out that night. As I was telling her how I wanted to feel up her pantyless pussy at the restaurant, she told me that she wanted to suck my cock at the restaurant. I told her she could lean over in the booth and suck me right at the table. She wanted me to take her to the back of the restaurant, where she could suck me. As she was describing to me how she wanted me to just take her by the hand and lead her to a secluded area of the restaurant, she came hard (Orgasm#1)

Incredibly, she wasn't done. For the 3rd time in a couple of weeks, she wanted to cum again immediately. As I returned to the bed from cleaning up, she continued to watch the video, Rocco Sifreddi, who was doing some serious anal damage with that large cock of his. My wife got incredibly hot and wet as she watched and as I reached between her legs playing with her slippery clit. I described visualizing her in the anal gangbang taking place on screen. She came hard again as she watched a nasty blonde cleaning the cum from a hot brunette's freshly creamed asshole (Orgasm #2). It was hot to watch her cumming so hard and for a second time within 10 minutes.

It wasn't over...I awoke a few hours later to find her laying face down, legs slightly spread and ass up - my favorite position to reach down and play with her pussy from behind. We fucked until I came inside her pussy, then I fingered her to her 3rd orgasm of the night (Orgasm #3)

Early the next morning, she woke me by throwing her lg over me as she lay on her back, spreading her thighs and giving me full access to her pussy. This is one of her ways of letting me know that she wants to play. I touched her just a little, unsure if it was really an invitation or not. I thought she might be sore from all the sex the night before and stopped rubbing her clit. Her hand immediately replaced mine as she began masturbating. I was surprised as she told me she woke up craving another orgasm and hadn't yet had one this morning. I hadn't seen her this horny - this would be her 4th orgasm in 9 hours. As she masturbated next to me, she asked whether or not I had shared any of her erotic nude photos with anyone at work yet. She wanted to know if I carried them with me in case the opportunity arose for me to show her off. I do keep a small photo album with me, of non-risque , yet sexy photos of her that we took on our last trip to Las Vegas. My wife suggested that I carry her nude photos with me and when the opportunity & person were right, after I showed them her 'public' photos, I could ask them if they wanted to see my wife's nude, erotic photos as well. She came with my finger deep up her ass, as she whispered who she wished she could take something larger than my digit inside her tight ass. (Orgasm #4)

Her 5th orgasm inside 24hours, came shortly after I received this text message from her while I was at work on Friday night:

"I am reading the blue Penthouse [letters] book and playing"

My wife was in bed reading stories of wives being shared or hotwives fucking other men, while she played with her pussy.

"...Poker night, one by one, each friend takes turns fucking wife"

I asked her if she was imagining herself as the wife being fucked

"Naturally, I liked her getting fucked by different men & possibility of husband [being the one] sending them in...Like fucking someone you know"

I told her how much I loved the thought of that as well...the thought of sending men upstairs into our bedroom to fuck her...taking turns using her pussy.

"Cummming" (Orgasm #5)

When I arrived home around 5:30am Saturday morning, I fucked and sucked her to her 6th orgasm (Orgasm#6)

Monday, December 18, 2006

Weeks Recap

12/07, Tuesday - Please Share Me. I want to be shared. Took nap on couch with her today that turned into a hot play session. She told me again how she wanted me to post her photos online, to share her with strangers. She wants others to email or IM me, telling me what they'd like to do with her sexually or commenting on her body - pussy, ass or breasts. She wants her body to be lusted after by strangers. She wants to see what they write about her and how they'd like to use her. Wants me to leave any IMs on the computer for her to read.

12/16, Saturday - Your wife's going to show me her piercing. That is what a friend of my wifes, D, whispered into my ear at a volunteer event. My wife had told D she was going to have her clit pierced earlier in the year, which she did in August. I asked D if she was going to have her clit pierced next. Despite her hearing the tempting rumor that some pierced women cum from just walking up the stairs, she said she was afraid to. My wife's clit is definitely more sensitive now, since being pierced. I was telling D that I can't manhandle it the way I used to and the way I like to. It was intriguing to hear D say that she likes her clit being manhandled and roughed up like that as well.

12/17, Sunday - Have you shared me with any coworkers yet?. Talked with wife about sharing her naked photos with friends and/or coworkers. She liked the idea of having her body & pussy shown to them. She asked me if I had shown any of her photos to any friends/coworkers yet. I had not yet and that there were only a couple of women and one coworker I would care to share her with. She immediately asked if he was black and I confirmed that he was and how I liked the idea of show off her white pussy to a black man. He is few years older than us, bald, dark skinned, with a hard athletic body. I asked her generically about showing her off to a friend an whether or not she'd like it if I green-lighted him to seduce her. She replied that she felt it was too sneaky and underhanded. Rather, she said she'd like it if I shared her photos with a friend, where she knew I was showing her off, but he did not know that she knew. She got off on the idea of being visually undressed and lusted after by a friend of mine, who would know what she looked like naked, who would know her pussy was shaved and bare, and what her ass and breasts looked like, yet who was unaware that SHE knew she was being shared with him. A very, very hot thought I have to agree with entirely.

We both agreed that it would be better if she was shared with someone I knew, a friend, coworker, or acquaintance versus finding him online through ads.

Talked of getting her a pussy vacuum pump, she loves the thought of this and has watched the videos I have on the computer of pussy/clit pump in action. She wanted me to take before and after photos of the pump. Asked me about the blog, told her she'd be able to read it this week. It's tough keeping up with it, not enough time. We decided on a new screen name for her, for me to be able to post her naked photos online. I will create the name and begin posting and sharing her this week. Also, she's ramping up to get her first brazilian wax and she's been asking me how much hair I want left and what pattern. I have a very specific idea in my mind and have told her I would find a photo as an example. She also told me she wanted me to take a photo of her pussy immediately after I had cum inside her, she wanted there to be a lot of my cum dripping from her pussy when I took the photo.

12/18 Monday - Contact Made. Received an email from a local couple with a shared and owned wife who were interested in playing....or at least talking to us. Mentioned it to my wife and offered to show her how to access the email. Absolutely no response. No acknowledgement. Nothing.

Thursday, December 7, 2006

Girls Night Out Cont'd - My Wife's Visualization of M

We talked pretty late into the night about what she and her girlfriend had discussed over dinner and our thoughts on what we were embarking on together by including others to join us sexually. We continued talking after going to bed, and soon after the touching and playing began. It wasn't the first time that we'd both been aroused by sexual thoughts of our friend M. Soon I was fucking my wife for the second time tonight as I talked to her about how hot it would be to have M in bed with us and all the things we'd do together with us. Things heated up, she was so wet. My wife had been a little sensitive about my wanting to fuck M, since my revelation of having hit on her, but she confirmed that she was at least still somewhat turned on by the idea of being with her when she told me her next thought. While she did not want to see me fucking her, she told me she visualized M being with us, but in a same-room, non-swap setting - me and my wife on one half of the bed and M and her lover fucking on the other half...or on another bed. My wife said she could see that happening with M and us. Very hot scene. We continued to unfold the scenario - The three of us would go out to a bar for drinks, M would pickup a hot looking stud and the four of us would head off to a hotel room to fuck, each couple watching the other as they fucked and sucked. We talked about being able to look right into her eyes as her bare tight pussy was being stuffed, about being able to reach over to touch and play with her breasts, about listening to her moan and talk dirty as she was getting fucked.

The fucking was hard and deep and our orgasms were intense.

Wednesday, December 6, 2006

Girls Night Out

She walked in and walked over to me. As we kissed, I reached down to the crotch of her jeans, cupping her pussy and pulled up in a lifting motion. She gave a little groan and spread her thighs slightly for me as she stood in front of me. I repeated this motion as we continued to kiss. What I had been doing to her was driving a small black dildo up into her pussy...a dildo that she had inserted into her pussy when she got up from dinner to use the restroom and had worn inside her for the balance of the evening as she had drinks & dinner with her friend M.

Tonight had been her night to go out with her girlfriend, M our married friend for drinks, dinner. We had talked before about her going out with friends while having either an vibrating egg, butterfly or dildo stuffed inside her pussy. The last time she backed out at the last minute feeling either embarrassed or uncomfortable about it. She was going to wear it out of the house, but complained about the base portion that stuck out of her pussy being an irritant. She did not want to do it....once again.
Tonight there would be no refusing. I put it into her purse and told her that, while she didn't have to wear it out, she would need to excuse herself from M at some point in the evening, go to the bathroom and insert the dildo for the night. She was then to send me a text message when she had done so. The message was simple; it came in at 7:50pm and simply said "In". Turns out that it really wasn't so comfortable having that circular bottom part, the part that prevents the entire dildo from disappearing into her pussy, rubbing against her lips. She did tell me it was sexy to get up, go to the bathroom and insert it, and she did like knowing it was inside her as she sat across from her friend talking, but physically it was uncomfortable. I took pictures of the dildo still inside her from her night out as she spread for me on the couch...then i proceeded to give her a good sucking followed by a good fucking. I will have to find more of an egg-type device to fit completely inside her...or maybe i will just cut off the bottom of the small black dildo. Still, I was nice to see her take direction and follow through.

Up until tonight M did not know that I had told my wife that I had propositioned her. I don't know everything that was said between them, but my wife did say that she told her friend that she 'knew'...about my having hit on her for some extramarital sex. It was not confrontational at all. They talked about what had happened, my wife explaining she was not mad or upset about it with her. As she tells it, the subsequent discussion encompassed a great deal of sexual, marital & extramarital issues, my wife sharing with her friend many things, including:
my wife's cheating, the women I had slept with during and outside our marriage, the fact that I wanted her shared with both women and men, & us playing with and including others in our sex life, I think a lot of this was a surprise for M. Apparently, M has had significant experience in playing with others prior to her marriage as well as extramarital experiences that are still unknown to her husband. She shared advice with my wife - standard stuff about making sure it was consentual and not something imposed on her, not playing with friends, etc... My take from what what my wife had told me was that M didn't really endorse including others in our bed. That it could damage or destroy our marriage. I obviously do not agree with her.

I believe that this was the most intimate my wife has been with M as far as sharing our sex life with her...ever. My wife mentioned about talking to her one other time when we were having some troubles about me enjoying porn a little (or alot) too much for her liking (addiction). I am not sure, beyond that, if she told her more about our sex life or me and my desires that day.

As we continued talking, I found myself turned on by the fact that my wife had share our sex 'secrets' or sexual thoughts and contemplations with a girlfriend of hers, especially one who I found so sexually attractive. I liked that M now knew intimate details about us and about me - about my wanting to share my wife among other cravings. I like knowing that she knew about us - in my opinion, knowledge of intimate secrets like this, changes the lens through which a person sees you. It kind of creates a connection, unspoken though it may be, between the person who knows and the person known about. That is how I feel about M now, that when we speak, there is always a little secondary background dialog going on in the back of her (or my) mind over shared and unspoken secrets. A little mind distraction. It feels edgy and I like it. (I'd compare it to my wife wanting me to share her photos with a male friend of ours, and her knowing that she had been shared with him, yet him not knowing that she knew he had seen every intimate part of her) Exciting feeling.

I encouraged my wife to continue to talk with M intimately, to tell her all about us sexually, as appropriate - I like us being 'known'.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

The Good, The Bad....The Weeks Recap

An overall intense week I'd have to say:

25th, Saturday - Our confession day - In hindsight, probably not a great idea to bring up my having been with other women, but I had decided that I wanted my, really, both of our sexual personalities to be completely transparent . We had had our State-of-the-Union talk a week earlier and had committed to a) spending more time together as husband/wife; b) exploring our sexuality with other people, albeit slowly. Since we had 'renewed' our sexual commitment the week before, I now wanted for each of us to no longer hold back anything sexual from each other; I wanted her to know all my undisclosed kinks and I wanted her to finally be able to share with me all her sexual cravings, her dark side. (A few months ago, she had discovered my interest in black on white interracial sex, and big black cock sex. She brought it up one morning while we were in bed playing with each other. We were both intensely aroused, stroking each other, when she whispered to me "So you like black cock sex?" I immediately knew I must have left an email account open that she had seen. Our orgasms were intense that morning as I told her how I wanted to share her with a black man and what turned me on by black men/white wives. It felt good to have that out in the open even though she doesn't share the same level of enthusiasm for BBC/Interracial as I do). It was that same reasoning for telling her today - full disclosure and sexual transparency. I don't know - I think in the bigger picture of our marriage, it will turn out to have been good for both of us to have shared our infidelities with each other, although it's caused some short term turmoil. It seems to have brought out some emotional vulnerability in both of us, there certainly seems to be more honest and open communication, especially sexually between us since. It's nice to hear her bring up something sexual and give her opinion or be candid with me about her feelings without being uptight about it. It's a nice change. The key will be to make it last for more than just a few weeks or months.

I left for work today at 2pm, We were both still in the middle of processing everything we had both confessed to each other just a hour or so earlier. It would have been better for us to have kept at it, talking it out and expressing our feeling. But I had to go to work.

A couple hours later, at work, I got the text message: "You didn't do anything with any of my friends, did you?" followed immediately by the message " 'M' for example?"

'M' is a married friend of ours, more my wife's friend really. She is an extremely attractive auburn brunette in her mid to late 30's whom I have been sexually attracted to since meeting her ten or so years ago. A few months back, while getting my hair cut by her, the conversation drifted from a recent all-girls trip of hers to Las Vegas, to flirting while out with the girls, to playing on the side - the "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" axiom. I asked her if she ever played on the side and she said that while she has been tempted on occasion, she had never followed through. She asked me if I played on the side and I told her I did and explained the agreement I had with my wife, wherein, I could sleep with other women as long as she did not know about it and it didn't detract from our marriage or family.

I remembered from prior conversations with her that her husband's libido left something to be desired for in the bedroom and I suggested to her that she deserved to have her needs taken care of. I asked her that day if she'd be interested in playing [with me] on the side and also called her late that evening to tell her how sexy and attractive I found her and to express my desire to go to bed with her. She called me the next morning to tell me, that while she was attracted to me, she did not want to jeopardize her friendship with my wife by playing within a circle of friends. I've pretty much left it at that except for the occasional sexual comment when I've seen her. Since then, though, I have become very curious about her sexually and often wondered - Is she shaved or waxed? How often does she masturbate? What does she fantasize about and what kind of sex does she enjoy or crave? Does she enjoy nasty talk? Like sucking cock?

I called my wife later tonight and told her about my proposition and phone call to her friend, M. The call ended pretty quickly after that, with her in tears and in hindsight I know that this was a conversation that would have been best had in person, eye-to-eye and not by phone wherein there would be an eight-hour delay before we'd be face-to-face again. The effects of our early separation that afternoon were apparent when I came home early that next morning at 3am. She had either been up all night or unable to sleep well and had obviously been crying for part of or most of the night. It was an emotional conversation, her feeling hurt, I assume, most by my having attempted to bed her friend and me angrily snapping back at her about how hurt I felt about her affair, about her inviting another man into our house to fuck her while I was at work.

I told her how I had felt all that day at work about her having an affair and taking a lover... how I was unable to focus my mind at all while at work, unable to think straight, the anger, the hurt, as well as the erotic feelings of arousal running concurrently in my mind.

We talked more about everything that had been said over the last 24-hours and talked about my desire to be with M. We made love as we continued to talk, me sharing how I wanted M to join us in bed and the things I wanted to do to her. I know she was hurt by what I had told her I had done, but I get this sense as we continue to talk about her friend, there is some arousal on her part, despite the fact that she has said she does not want to watch me to fuck her.

26th, Sunday, A mixed bag today. Had our early morning talk I mentioned above, followed by sex. Just before leaving for work, I go to the computer and while checking emails, discover that she had been Googling her ex-boyfriend while I was at work that prior evening. I was trying to get out the door as I was running late for work so I could not spend much time discussing how angry and hurt I was to discover this. She said she did not actually contact him, but was just trying to seek out a friend who she knew cared about her. Whatever. I felt disappointed and angry, more hurt, I suppose. I expressed those feelings, she apologized, said she would not do it again and I walked out feeling irritated that we had to leave another important conversation unfinished because I had to leave for work.

We texted back and forth while I was at work, continued working things out as best two people can via texting. We began discussing our plans to experiment sexually during which my wife's fears came out:

"It is arousing, exciting, a bit scary, but u will take care of me, take care of my fears, doubts, and love me"

"...I will do my best to separate sex/love..."

"...I am threatened though, what if her pussy is tighter than mine, she sucks better than me. If u want someone else then u want me less. I'm not enough. Hard for me to separate cuz I love u"

"You don't express any fear or worry, so I don't think u have any"

"You have always been more confident, I more needy"

"I always want u to be proud of me and to respect me. I don't want u to think of me as trashy"

Slowly, the text messages got sexual, especially as she started looking at erotic photos & videos:

"...can I cum for u when the kids are in bed and I am alone with nothing to do?"

"When I am alone I am going to use my hands, possibly a dildo. Maybe go watch something on the computer and cum with u on my mind"

"Reading what a HOTWIFE is"

"I really want some nipple rings..."

"U'd b pleased, my pussy is wet. U could slide in easily"

"...I like the spreader bar thing...Been thinking about making my own nipple jewelry to slip on my nipples and tighten the string"

"I see a picture of what I think of. Girl is laying back on her husband while he holds her and watches. I assume he will play with her breasts and kiss her as she is eaten"

"Yes, man or woman. Want to lay in your lap & u play with my breasts and watch her/his tongue and hands inside me"

"Is that how you want me or is there a picture I should look for?"

"...really want to suck u"

"Fisting and [being with] more than one person"
Answer to which photos or videos turn her on most.

"I like girls because I imagine it could be me looking like that"

"Watching a spanking movie. You do a much better job on me"

"I want u to watch and tell them what u want done"

"I see a girl in a collar"

"Have we always had this little black dildo that I just slid in my pussy?"

This series of text messages lead to my phone call to her from work, where she brought herself to orgasm twice as she described how she was riding the large dildo. (see 11/27/06 blogs)

She told me to make sure to wake her when I got home at 3:00am which I did when I reached down between her legs to find her still slippery and soaking wet pussy. We had an intensely lusty fuck, reliving the events of earlier in the evening

27th, Monday

"I am so turned on by u this week. I have felt how much u want and I luv me..."

28th, Tuesday, Needing It. I awoke this morning at 5:00am to find her fondling my cock and wanting to fuck. I am normally the one initiating sex with her, and it was a turn-on to see her taking the initiative by waking me from my sleep. I fucked her deeply as she pulled her ass apart, spreading her pussy, legs up in the air. It felt good to be buried balls deep inside her giving her a hard pounding. Very lusty, very nasty.

"...this morning I was so hot for u"

One hour after receiving this message, she came home from work for lunch and preceded to strip, sucked me for a while, before she impaled herself and ride my cock as as I sat on the couch playing with her breasts. She loves it when I press her breasts together and suck both of her nipples into my mouth at the same time and the best time for it is when she is riding me cowgirl. She was so incredibly hot today as we fucked. Panting, gasping and deep gutteral moans all came from her mouth as she bounced up and down. She dismounted, turned around facing away from me and again impaled her pussy on my cock and started pistoning her hips/pussy up and down my cock. It is one of my favorite views, seeing her thick rear bouncing up and down, her wide hips flared and thrusting downward forcefully. I love seeing my cock disappear into her pussy and seeing her hand reaching down between her legs playing with her hard clit as she rides me. It was intense. I finally pulled her back against me so that she was laying back on top of me, my cock remaining inside her pussy. She rode me this way, bending at the knees and pushing herself up & down on my cock as I reached down with one hand to play with her pussy and reached up with the other to squeeze and play with her breast. She came in this position as we kissed deeply. She wasn't done though and I was surprised to see her immediately spread herself on the couch and start masturbating again, rubbing her clit as she looked me in the eye. I knelt down and proceeded to suck and lick her soaking wet pussy until she came for the second time.

She was late getting back to work today.

"...I liked how it tasted & it was quite pleasurable in other ways as well"

29th, Wednesday, Dressing sexy. I enjoy it when my wife dresses up sexily when we're out together. I like her to show herself off, exposing a little skin, some leg, lots of cleavage. I love seeing her breasts sway under her blouses or tops whenever she's braless. I've always encouraged her to dress provocatively and even enjoy taking her out shopping to specifically find sexy clothing. Lately, she's really been making an effort to dress more more sexily and overall nicer and I'm not the only one whose been noticing.

"Had several comments on how great & sexy I look"

We squeezed in a very hot fuck this afternoon after she got home from work around 12:30pm. I took her from behind, face down in the bed, with her ass stuck high up in the air. I straddled her ass and fucked down deep into her. A very energetic fuck. We both enjoy all the sounds of sex and we got off on both the slapping sounds of my balls hitting her ass as well as the wet, squishing, suction sounds of my cock fucking her pussy. She looked so sexy face down, holding onto the bedframe with both hands, pushing back against me, grinding, and raising her bottom as high up as she could, offering herself to me. Several times, she reached back with both hands to pull her ass apart, spreading herself even more for me. I alternated between fucking her deep and hard, and sucking and licking her pussy & ass - she was soaked. Our orgasms were intense.

When we fucked again later that night, I got out the digital voice recorder and recorded us as we played and fucked. Maybe, if I can ever figure it out, I'll post or upload the sound file to this blog.

30th, Thursday, We had a nice early morning fuck today. Still very hot, lots of hot talk from both of us about her being shared with others.

"Still several comments today on how great I look"

1st, Friday, Share me. Talked today together while playing in bed. She brought up again how she wants to be shared online. She loves the thought of having sexy photos of her posted on the web for strangers to see and then crave her body. Nothing that shows her face, of course, but her pussy, ass, breasts and body all OK with her. I belong to a bunch of adult Yahoo groups and will be posting her photos and sharing her as she wants.

She also asked me to find a woman for her. I asked her what type of woman she wanted: 30-40's, brunette, larger breasts, not too skinny, smooth waxed or shaved pussy, tanned or tan lines, manicured nails, feminine, sexy...and definitely experienced with other women but able to take direction from me. She wants me to tell this woman what I want her to do to my wife. My wife enjoys being submissive in bed with me, enjoys me taking charge, controlling her, controlling her pussy and body. She wants to experience another woman's bare pussy rubbing and grinding against hers, being fisted by another woman (I haven't been able to fit my whole hand inside her, a woman's smaller hand should be able to slide in easier), and of course she wants to have a sexy woman lick and suck her pussy. I'd like to watch her get fucked by a woman wearing a strap on.

2nd, Saturday, Recovery Day. This was the first day since November 18th that we didn't have sex at least once during a 24-hour period.

4th, Monday, Video night. Received the following text message from her at around 10pm:

"...what does MILF mean"

I asked her what she was doing. The kids were asleep, she had gotten out our portable DVD player, brought it to bed and was watching some videos I had burned onto CD's. She was watching one from the MILF series. I explained that a MILF was short for 'Mother I'd Like to Fuck'. She described to me what she was watching:

"I am getting wet, yes, wish u were here"

"She's putting plug in like the one I have. Nice"

Monday, November 27, 2006

Be Careful What You Ask For - Still Day 1

When my wife answered the phone I asked her where she was and what she was wearing. She had been at the computer for the last few hours looking at my collection of xxx photos and video clips. An earlier text message to me telling me "You'd be pleased, my pussy is wet. You could slide in easily" and other messages about what she was seeing on the screen and how she liked particular activities had gotten me hard. It had been 2.5 hours since she had texted me saying that she was online reading what a Hotwife was from a saved bookmark of mine on the computer and

She had been looking at all the hot, nasty photos I had stored on the computer, watched sexy videos and her pussy was slippery and wet. She had texted that she wanted to cum for me after she got the kids to sleep and when she answered the phone, she was ready. She was wearing just a short nightie, sitting in the chair with her legs spread "as wide as can be", with that small black dildo inside her pussy as she looked at my hot videos and pics. She loves to be stretched and filled with large objects so I told her to get our thick flesh-colored dildo - it measures about 7" and about 5"-6" around - and put it in her pussy. I listened as she told me how she was placing it on the chair and impaling herself on our thick substitute cock. When she was stuffed full, I told her I wanted her to push down to get the dildo deep into her pussy. I had her grind and press her ass and pussy down into the chair to force it in and around her slippery hole. She started to touch and play with her clit as we talked and she came with a nice grunt and groan. Surprisingly for me though, instead of being finished, she immediately went back to touching her clit and brought herself to a second orgasm. Surprisingly I say, because she is generally not multi-orgasmic in this way. The vision of her being so aroused that she would immediately want to make herself cum again had me so turned on. Unfortunately, I had to get back upstairs to work.

It had been exactly one week since we had our latest State-of-the-Union talk. I once again detailed my frustration with how often we had sex and the lack of progress we were making in having others join us in bed. I had always wanted to see her with another man since before we married, which she knew about. But while she could get extremely aroused by the thought or fantasy of it as I detailed it to her during my dirty talk as we fucked, she could never commit to taking the final step to making it a reality for us. Still in love with her, wanting to continue to be married and wanting to make forward progress, I suggested we commit to 1-2 days per month where we would go out for specifically sex-related fun. I made a list of things I wanted us to experience together, from rather tame things like xxx movie night or xxx story reading/masturbation night to more edgier experiences like having her fucked by a very well hung athletic black man/men or going into a bar separately with me watching as men try to pick her up and fuck her. Sex during the week was very passionate and lusty - I don't think we missed a day. Then came the next Saturday...

It was morning and we were lounging in bed, touching each other as we talked about our renewed commitment to each other, our sex life and to her being shared. I was talking dirty to her as we were playing, mentioning a local woman who had contacted us a few months back who was bisexual and looking for a female lover to play with during the daytime hours. In the heat of the moment, I told my wife that she had a very tight pussy and that the reason I knew was that I had fucked this woman.......everything came to a grinding halt and I immediately regretted having said those words to my wife. What ensued was a number of emotional admissions and confessions from each of us. For my part, I admitted to having slept with 10-15 women during the course of our 20-year relationship, which includes the dating time prior to being married. Purely sexual, none of them containing the smallest bit of emotional attachment. She was unhappy about this. Unhappy despite my reminder that she had green-lighted me on being able to pursue outside partners many years ago. Despite her recollection of this, she simply didn't think I would sleep with any other women. And I, frankly, would have bet the farm that the same held true for her - that she had never slept with another man during our marriage. I was wrong...

I asked her if she had ever slept with another man or had an affair, confident of what her answer would be. When she answered "Yes", I remember smiling inwardly as I told myself that her reply was a reflex answer, defensively spoken to counter my admission to make me feel badly, but untrue nonetheless. When she spoke his name, I knew I was mistaken.

She told me it was 13-years ago during a time when she says we were having troubles. She admitted that the affair had lasted six months. Her lover was a co-worker, her boss if I recall correctly. I had met him a number of times and even been to his home for a party. He was an attractive man...and married. She told me how it all started one afternoon when she went out for drinks with some of her co-workers and after everyone left except for he and my wife, he leaned forward and kissed her...she told me that she responded, kissing him back. She didn't fuck him that afternoon, but she knew that it only a matter of time. Her affair was consummated one afternoon while I was at work, 10 miles away, when he gave her a ride home and she invited him up to our home. That afternoon, another man fucked my wife in my very bed. She told me that she knew when she invited him up the stairs that day, that she would soon be spread wide on our bed with him fucking her. Sometimes they went to his house and sometimes to ours. He liked eating her pussy, fucking her in numerous positions, and she liked sucking his cock. Her lover came in her mouth and she swallowed his cum. He always fucked her bareback, but as she tells me, he always pulled out when he came, shooting his cum all over her ass, stomach, pussy or breasts.

It is very difficult for me to begin to describe the feelings that her admission stirred up in me. Difficult for me because her affair was not simply sexual, but an affair of the heart - one that included emotions between him and her. Sex I could deal with....or deal with easier. Emotional attachment or feelings, NO. Difficult because, although I was initially turned on by the idea that my conservative wife would do something so uncharacteristic, so taboo (or so I thought), it was still emotional betrayal in the end. Difficult because I knew who her lover was and I could visualize very well the two of them sneaking to our home, and him giving her the deep, hard, pounding with his cock that I know she enjoys - I could hear all of the sounds she makes when we fuck...the panting, the gasping, grunting, the few dirty words she would utter in the heat of passion, urging him to fuck her harder, the familiar sound of our bed springs creaking and the banging headboard, increasing in tempo as he fucked her faster and harder. The most vivid images are my wifes facial expressions - the look of pleasure she would have, the lustful glazed over eyes she gets, that sexually desperate look she gets when she's intensely aroused...the look of craving. All this I can see crystal clear in my mind...All at the hands, fingers, tongue, body and cock of another man.

My wife wasn't done. She followed with another admission. This time just 6-years ago she says, with her old high school boyfriend, her first lover. This indiscretion also started in a bar over drinks with friends. It ended up in the back seat of a car, I'm not sure if it was our car or his, with my wife and him crawling into the back seat where they fooled around, my wife taking out his cock and jacking him off as they kissed and he felt her up. She told me she didn't suck his cock, or fuck him there in the backseat, but she says she did cum herself sliding and rubbing her pussy against his leg. Again, she said this happened at a time when she says we were having problems, although I don't have any specific recollection about them. I asked her how far this went with her old boyfriend and was told that beyond emailing back and forth with him erotic/sexy emails for a month or so, she never followed through with another illicit meeting, backseat of a car or elsewhere. She didn't remember specifics of her emails, other than recalling telling him that she was 'wet' in one email. I hadn't yet met her old boyfriend, but I recall that I soon would, as I accompanied my wife to a high school reunion soon thereafter.

I'm bothered by this, on both accounts. Bothered that here were two men whom I knew, albeit only casually in the case of her boss/lover and in the case of her ex boyfriend, whom I would be introduced to within months of her indiscretion - both of whom had carnal knowledge of my wife, yet would look me in the eye, shake my hand and smile at me as if nothing were amiss. All with my wife's silent complicity as she introduced me or stood next to me and her boss as we chatted. To be played the fool in both instances. This is what hurts.

My feelings of betrayal and hurt coalesced over the next 24-hours since I had to leave for work within an hour or so of her revalations of infidelity. Immediately after her admissions, however, I recall laying next to her asking her for all the details of her affairs - how he liked to fuck, whether or not she sucked his cock (never one of her favorite activities with us), whether he came in her mouth, whether she let him cum inside her pussy, if her liked to suck her pussy, whether she let him fuck her in the ass, how he liked to fuck, what positions, whether or not he talked dirty to her, etc... I was aroused beyond belief, hard and wanting her to describe to me how he used her pussy, breasts, mouth and wanting to know how it felt for her to be with a man other than me, her husband.
I was intensely aroused by the thought of my 'faithful' wife being unfaithful to was so taboo and so unexpected. I remember being unable to even think straight that entire first night when I went into work, my mind reeling with the mixed thoughts about my wife's cheating.

It is an odd combination of feelings to experience simultaneously - emotional betrayal - cheating - infidelity - humiliation - sadness - anger - fear - versus sexual arousal - curiosity - excitement. I am still sorting through them and it has been four days. The thoughts of her being fucked by another man in our bed - the images of her cumming loudly underneath the deep thrusting of another man's cock pop into my head daily and often, bringing that mix of conflicting emotions each time. Yesterday, I imagined meeting her boss/lover sometime again in the future and cold-cocking him as he reached out to shake my hand, dropping him to the ground then just walking away without saying a word. I suppose I am still hurting.

Would I be interested in ever seeing either of her lovers again or even proactively confronting them? Probably not. This was 13 and 6 years ago. I'll keep the cold-cocking option open though for her boss.

As a little aside and to her credit, I suppose, my wife did tell me that she did tell her boss/lover that I was interested in watching her be fucked by another man, he declined her offer.

Off to a Good Start - Day 1

The last text message she sent to my cell phone as I sat at work last night was: "Have we always had this little black dildo that I just slid into my pussy?" I couldn't stand it anymore. I got up to take a break, making my way down to the hopefully unoccupied exercise room downstairs for a little privacy and to call my wife...

When I originally conceived the idea of starting my own blog, I intended for it to be a chronicle of my sex life with my wife or better put, my frustration with the sexual side of our marriage. I wasn't really intending for it to be shared or read by anyone but me or anything other than a personal online diary of my feelings, desires, and thoughts on years of frustration on my part and possibly on my wife's part as well. Events of the past week and most importantly, the past 24 hours have altered the title and topic of this, my first, blog.

We had just come off of one our State-of-the-Union talks that we seem to have about twice a year, every year during our 16-year marriage. The talks are normally preceded by a week or two of tension, lack of communication and brooding (always, it seems on my part), before it comes to a head and almost always it is my wife that suggests that we sit down and actually use words to clear the air. The problems leading up to our talk last Saturday were the same as usual for me - a missing sex life including a lack of willingness on her part to explore and experiment being with others, a lack of physical affection (touching, caressing, hugging, holding, kissing, etc...), our general lack of things in common and, probably most important to me - my feeling that she was not 'in love' we me any longer. (I remember characterizing the love I felt she had for me as the same love one would have for an piece of old piece of furniture or a pet that'd been around forever - the kind of 'default-love' you develop simply by being around someone/something for 20-years). As is my M.O., it was a week of the 'silent-treatment' from me and then another week of not making the time to sit and talk things out after she first suggested it.

Most of our semi-annual talks are civil, allowing both of us to vent, air out our frustrations with each other, reevaluate our marriage goals, create hope, and refocus each of us so that we can trudge forward for the next six months or so...until we meet again. I will say, that most of our sessions finish with some of the best sex - very passionate 'make-up' fucking - the result, I'm sure, of having had our emotions and vulnerability so exposed to each other.

This time around, however, as I sulked around for two weeks, I actually had thoughts of life without my wife - of being separated or divorced from her. The word had come into a few of our discussions over the years but, for my part, I had never really given it any serious thought. What I realized was that I couldn't conceive of being apart from my wife, of not being married to her. I love her dearly. She populates my thoughts. Actually, I discovered this about 2-years ago, perhaps not so coincidentally after a career change during which I closed a business I had started and run for the last 20-years. I found, then, that I am really in love with her, more so I'd say than at anytime during our dating time or marriage. I have felt like this for two years now. I want to make her happy, I want to make her laugh, I want to make her feel secure, I want her to feel loved...I adore her.