Saturday, December 30, 2006

Complete Ownership and Submission

30 December, Saturday 0930am - A new lifestyle. We awoke and were lightly playing with each other. We talked about our fight from last Thursday night, datenight, and got into a relationship/sexuality discussion. It started out somewhat badly, but turned into a healthy discussion of multiple topics: her need to feel truly loved and supported, my being deeply in love with her and needing to feel that she's in love with me as well, my feeing a lack of affection and physical closeness, her need for me to stick by her even (or especially) in times of our fights - to not take myself away and become unavailable, her feeling of sexual inadequacy - not having ever felt like she was enough sexually for me.

This last point launched us into a much bigger discussion. I asked her where her feeling of sexual inadequacy came from. Was it me? Did I do or say anything to her to make her feel this way? She said she was sexually inexperienced when we started together. She gave me two examples of how she felt she was not good: sucking my cock and fucking with her on top (cowgirl). She didn't like to suck my cock because she doesn't feel does it well, and said I possibly said something to her somewhere in our 20 years that caused her to want to not suck. I'm less clear about her not wanting to ride on top, but she did mention fucking a black friend where this issue came out. I told her that I loved when she did both with me, that all women (and men) fuck and suck differently, some better than others and just because I give her a suggestion, does not mean that she'll never be good at it.

We talked more about other relationship/sexual topics before I turned to face her as we lay in bed. I said I had something to tell her. This was a serious topic for me and I wanted to bring it out into the open. I looked her in the eye and paused. I think she was a little worried about what I might say to her, because her face showed a bit of apprehension. I held the eye contact and told my wife that I wanted to [sexually] DOMINATE her - I wanted to OWN her. I wanted to control every aspect of her sexuality. Her body was to belong to me, her pussy, her ass, her breasts. Her sexual pleasure, both quality and quantity was to be dictated by me. This was not light conversation for me - I was completely serious. I did not plan to have this conversation at this moment. I did not even have this conversation practiced in my mind nor organized prior to my saying it. This was spontaneous and impromptu, but very serious and deeply felt. Something I have wanted for a longtime, something from my dark side. I have always been dominant but I was now asking for much more from her.

I was proposing an entire lifestyle change for us and for her specifically. This was not to be just a weekend experiment, but a way of life. I told her that I loved her, that she needed to trust me, to know that I'd protect her, that I would not humiliate her and for her part, she would cede all control of her sexuality, sexual pleasure, body and decisions as they related to her or our sex life, to me. She would be owned. I would insist on her sexual submission to me. There would be no questioning of my instructions by her. She would be required to do as instructed, no questions asked. Discipline would be involved as needed.

I wanted her to chose this life. It had to be a deliberate choice for her. She had to acknowledge her new submissiveness, to accept her sexual ownership. She was to be free to decide this on her own, without me pressuring her about it. I could not have her half-committed to this new lifestyle. This was to be complete sexual submission and domination - sexual ownership. Sexual only. I made it clear to her that she would remain my equal in all other aspects of life - partner, wife, friend, mother of our children, etc... Her ownership, dominance and submission was to apply to her sexuality.

(We talked more later when we got home. Many things were talked about - she got to read this blog for the first time...she wanted to just make love sometimes (without toys, videos, etc...)...I got home thinking [again] about her affair, she was defensive and told me how she felt hurt by my sleeping with other women and I explained how it was not the same - how her affair was emotional...she has never told ANYONE of her affair...chastity belts, hanging sling chairs...her submission and being owned...told her how the word 'slut' to me is a complimentary term, not she is taking small steps and understands about 'changing her mindset' but slow to I always knew she looked at XXX videos when I was not home...that I do have fears just like her...

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