Friday, June 13, 2008

Like A Lead Balloon

13 June, Friday - Different perspectives. about how well my call to G went over with my wife. She was quite upset that I had called him without letting her know prior. I explained to her my feelings as I detailed in my last post. I told her that I had done so because of how important I have always felt about G being aware, going into this, that I knew about their impending relationship and that I felt that she was on the very edge of consumating their relationship but had not, as of yet, made this known to him.

Without going into all the gory details, she explained to me how she felt betrayed, how she felt that I was attempting to take over the relationship, and that I should have talked to her about it beforehand. She also said that she no longer had an interest in pursuing their relationship, that my intervention had killed her desire and that she now felt embarrassed about it all.

My wife felt that I had ruined things and that she felt like an 'ass' and that G probably felt the same way; like he was being played with. I countered with the fact that I was the one who was feeling like an 'ass' - the husband who was not aware of what his wife was doing, in the dark - and how awkward it felt in even the simplest of social situations with G.

Her contention was that she was still planning on having that conversation with him, but just had not had a chance to do so. Although he was unavailable, she had called him the day after their flirting and invited him out for a drink. She explained to me that it was at that time that she had planned on revealing to him the fact that I knew and encouraged her in her pursuits with him. She felt that I was the one getting too far ahead of things, and not her - that she had not made any concrete plans to fuck him. From my point of view, however, consumation appeared to be just around the corner and it was simply circumstance that had delayed their coupling.

Different points of view. All perspective. For sure, better communication between us would have helped. Anyway, she still feels it was wrong of me to call him and I still feel justified in calling him, because, despite my advisements to her to make him aware, she hadn't done so.

For now, things remain contentious.


don said...

I know this lead balloon. My wife has been going to our local gay bar for some time now. She goes to see the drag show (a close friend of yours is a "Drag King" in the show). When she came home from several of the nights she told me that one of the Kings had been flirting with her and paying a lot of attention to her. They ended up kissing and going out for coffee after the show. My wife admitted to me she was curious about having sex with another women for some time now. I asked her if she wanted to have sex with the "king". She replied yes that the king turned her on. A couple of weeks later we were both at a party when I saw the king come in she went directly over to start talking to my wife (she did not know I was there). When she saw me she abruptly left went out side. My wife was angry with me for scaring her away. I asked her if she really wanted to have sex with the king, she said yes so I told her I would talk to the king. To make a long story short they ended up coming back to our house and using our bed room. I stayed in the guest bed room. They saw each other a few times after that but had no further sex. My wife still blames me she said I forced the issue by letting the king know that I knew and was that I was ok with her experimenting.

DaRealOne99 said...

Your wife is right. I know it's hard but you really need to back off and trust that things won't get out of control. Your controlling presence is killing any real spontaneity. Allow things to happen naturally! Let your wife text what she feels comfortable texting. Stop pushing her so much. You got the potential for something really special here and you're suffocating it. I know it's hard, but you'll need to let go a little bit to get the experience you really want.

And yes, I know that opens the door for other possibilities, but it's that same risk that will make it enjoyable. Trust your wife. Trust your marriage can handle it. If you can't trust her without being such a controlling figure, then you're not ready for it and it's good that it hasn't happened.

I hope this doesn't come off too mean but rarely have I read such an honest and interesting story line. I am totally interested in what happens but everytime things get close, your "presence" sort of kills it.

Please consider letting her be in control. Let her go at her own pace and let her say what she wants. You have to trust that she loves you enough to not let it get out of control.